


Snuck In Cigarettes

by Analphancones



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Smut, Phandom - Freeform, Prison, Smut, phan fic, phils american wow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-06-30 19:58:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15758640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Analphancones/pseuds/Analphancones
Summary: Phil Lester is a guard at a maximum security prison. He sneaks in cigarettes for stressed out inmates and Dan thinks he has too big of a heart to be working this job. "Don't be a worm. It'll get you killed in a place like this."Phil wonders if he can change that after something happens to him. Going to Dan for advice on how to keep his job, this prison running tip top, and not on any of the inmates bad side. Dan's advice? "You can't. You can only earn respect, earn your job, and earn good behavior. That I can help with."





	1. CO Lester

“Inmates!” The loud metal clunking was familiar. Automated doors are opening. Not a single ray of sunshine is to be seen among the concrete walls. “Rise and shine!” CO Kinsely is leading us to breakfast. I hated waking up. EVery day I woke up here was another day I wasn’t waking up at home. Fuck. 

The guy I shared my bunk with was a kid killer. We’re all just so messed in here, they don’t care to separate us by sentence, danger, or any other variable that could keep us a little safer. American prisons were different than I imagined. Worse in fact. Being the british guy in a prison full of idiots didn’t bode well for me. I hardly spoke as a result. 

In the lunchroom I sat with the few guys I would dare say I trust. Maybe trust is too strong a word though. In each corner of the room was a different CO. Kinsely was one of the rare few who cared about rules and safety. He tried to be fair, but he also had a bit of a bipolar streak. I think it’s why he was hired. He was all nice guy until you said the wrong thing. You didn’t even have to be a dick. Sometimes you said the wrong pronunciation of a word and he was beating you back into your cell. Touchy, but the nicest guy you’ll find guarding this place. 

Harrison was known for doing some shady things but overall he was a friend to the inmates. I would say he was nice but he liked to cheat us, knowing full and well he could get away with it too. If you needed something outside he could get it. But he’d always ask for something in return. If it wasn’t up to standard, he would do something about it. He knew he could do whatever he wanted. It was, of course, inmates word over a guard. He was a friend, but a two faced one. 

Lucial was the only female CO we had anymore. We had another but she was sleeping with kid killer. I guess it was good I didn’t talk much. No one knew I was the one who ratted them out. Stopping things like that has helped shave a few months here and there off my sentence. I don't mind it much. Just means I have to be extra cautious to not be found out. If there’s one thing prisoners hate, it’s a rat. 

Finally, in the back corner by the door, Lester. A joke that one was. While he tried to empathize with the prisoners, how can you show kindness to people like us when it’s in your job description not too? A moral mess he was. I had never spoken to him personally, but I know every now and then he’ll give a struggling inmate a cigarette. I’ve never seen him smoke one, so I think he only brings ‘em in case an inmate is struggling. Sweet notion, but that kindness is going to get him killed around here. I think I liked the two faced backstabbers around here more. At least they know what they’re getting themselves into. 

After breakfast we had an hour of our two hours guaranteed outside time. The other hour was before dinner. The yard was the only time any of us got to take a breath of fresh air. Although, how fresh can it feel when you’re surrounded by fifty foot fences with barbed wire on top and armed men in each corner. Freedom was crisp, and not free at all for us. 

By one of the back walls there was Lester. He liked to hover in corners and out of sight. I don’t think he was shy so much as that’s just where he naturally gravitated. I may not know him, but I can read people pretty well. I guess today was as good a time as any to approach him. After all, I hadn’t had a cigarette since high school.

“I hear you’re the man to go to for a cigarette every now and then?” I asked quietly, smiling a little as I approached him. It was freezing out. We were given jackets but they were thin and held little warmth between the layers of fabric. Better than nothing I guess. 

“Yeah..just don’t tell anyone it’s from me alright?” He chuckled and reached down, kneeling like he was tying his shoes and pulling a pack from under his black socks, rolling a menthol toward me along with a small crack lighter. I pushed my back against the wall, the best out of sight I could be as I lit it. I chuckled as I took the first drag, whistling quietly. 

“Wow. Haven’t had one of these since, shit..Tenth year? What would that be for you guys?” 

“Eleventh grade, I think.” Lester said to me. His voice was nice. Smooth and gravely, like riding a dirt road in a brand new sports car. “You’re not from here?” He asked now. 

“I moved here after I finished uni.” I said, blowing smoke through my teeth and looking over at him. “Stupidest damn choice I ever made.” I smiled. 

“How’d you get in here?” He asked next. “If-if that’s not too personal.” 

“Well when you move from another country and you’re a new citizen, you don’t have a lot of money.” I said only. I figured he’d catch the rest if he thought for a moment or two. 

“Drugs?” He concluded. 

“You guessed it.” I winked. “How do you sneak these in?” 

“I pay off the guy who pats us down before work. I can’t really help you guys and your situation, but I can do something.” He shrugged softly, carelessly. 

“You’re one stupid man.” I smirked. “This shit could get you fired.” 

“You wont tell anyone right?” He gulped now, nervous. “Please. I need this job.” 

“Toughen up Lester. You’re in a Maximum Security Prison. Don’t be such a worm. It’ll get you killed her.” I only chuckled, throwing down my cigarette and stepping on it before I was on my way.


	2. Rule Number One- Don't Trust The Inmates

When I hear the muffled scream of officer Lester a bunk over in the middle of the night, I keep my nose out of it. Whoever kills him will get in trouble, I need some sleep, and I did warn him not to be such a weasel around here. Guess he didn’t think much of it. Just like I won’t think much of his screams. I put my thin pillow over my ears and crash, kid killer snoring above me. 

The next day Lester isn’t into work and three inmates have been sent down to the hole. I guess it didn’t take long for the warden to figure out who did what. Of course, rumors were circling already. “I heard he died…” Inmate Lynch whispers. “I heard he was..you know.” Inmate Michaels snickers out. 

“I heard he was just a pussy.” I reply, standing up and taking my tray to an empty table. I stir my slop around a bit, unable to eat right now. The room was chattering with rumors. Like a school cafeteria when a kid is suspended.

Whatever happened to him I could care less. It isn’t my problem. Like I said, he’s too nice for this fucking job. 

\---a week later---

//Imma choke this bitches throat until she gaspin’ and shit

Rip her fuckin’ pussy like I’m downloadin it 

Bitch I’m pourin fuckin’ rainbow when I’m beatin’ the clit

Make her look me in the eyes while she swallow the dick// 

Breakfast as usual. There’s a new CO lurking around I’d like to take a bite out of if given the chance. His hair is dark and cut on the sides, his posture is impeccable and I can’t stop thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve had a man like that absolutely ruin me. Prison has ruined me more, so far, than any man could. Even a man like that. Mmph. 

As I stare at him, I hear a baton hit my table. I look up and see Lester. He looks rough, Tired. Like he hasn’t slept in days. I snorted, laughing at how pathetic he looked. He grabs me by the hair and slams the baton into my knee, gripping harder on my hair as I tried to lean over in pain. 

He pulled me up. “Inmate!” He said. “Warden needs to talk to you.” And again like a school cafeteria, the rooting and the “Oooooh!”’s filled the room. He pulled me from where I sat and down the halls, into the empty wardens office. 

“What did you mean when you said I needed to toughen up.” He said, letting me go and throwing me down. I only laughed, standing up and dusting myself off. 

“That hit is gonna bruise.” I smirked. “Where’s the warden.” 

“Lunch. I just needed to talk. Now answer my fucking question.” He was mad, why at me I didn’t know. “Did you set up that attack? To prove to me I needed to toughen up? Was it you?” He asked. Well, now I knew what he was thinking. “Answer me!” He screamed, grabbing my jumpsuit and pushing me into the wall. 

“No. It wasn’t me. It was karma.” I said, pushing him off of me and brushing myself off. “I keep out of trouble here. I have a five year sentence I’d like as much time off of as possible. I keep my nose clean.” I said, sighing in annoyance. “What happened?” I asked with a roll of my eyes. 

“Teach me how to survive this shit.” He said, ignoring my question flat out. I smirked, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Myers had his way with you didn’t he.” I asked. The way he averted his eyes it was clear. The way he avoided my question and went silent. 

“How did you guess?” 

“Not the first time.” I shrugged, crossing my arms and leaning back, cracking my neck. “What do you want from me.” 

“You know how this place works right?” He asked. I shrugged modestly, unsure what answer he was looking for. 

“I know how to keep my nose clean and earn respect. These guys fuck with me too but there’s a way of handling it. It’s different though. You’re a CO with a weapon and training. I’m a twenty three year old kid who's trying to get the fuck out of here as fast as possible.” 

“Maybe I can help you too. Teach me how to get inmates to respect you, I’ll help keep your record clean.” 

“Yeah, being involved with a guard won’t help me here at all. So no thank you. Can I go now?” 

“Please.” 

“See this is what you’re problem is!” I groaned, stepping up to him. In a flash I grabbed his baton, getting behind him and bashing him in the back of the knees. Once he was down I got him on the shoulder blade. He was down on his side now, wincing and struggling for his next breath already. I threw it down. “You went to training and a prisoner you barely know just earned your trust enough you let your guard down, and now you’re injured. DOn’t be nice to us. We’re kid killers and pedophiles and drug dealers and smugglers. There are dudes here who showed up with an anus full of cocain and drugs unknown to the government yet. People here have swallowed condoms full of ecstasy and sold them after the passed and people BOUGHT them knowing where they came from. You wanna learn, start there fucker. Stop trusting us.” I said, opening the door and heading back to the cafeteria silently. What the hell was that guy even doing here? How’d he even get this job? How was he so clueless?


	3. Rule Number Two- Assert Dominance

Another week without Lester and I’m assuming after what happened with me he lost his job. The warden probably agreed he didn’t have the balls for this job. After all, he didn’t even rat me out. How can a man like that expect to survive here as a guard? His job is to keep us in line and eh can’t even do that right. 

 

//Wake up with that ache that fades, 

Pop two pills with gatorade// 

 

“Dan! It’s time to get up!” In my dreams I can hear Liam calling for me to get up. In my dreams I’m awake now, and follow the smell of heavy cologne and weed down the steps of my duplex to find him at the table decorating some edibles. I sit down and smile, seeing a blunt rolled on the table with my name written on the side.

“Did it occur to you smoking a blunt with sharpie on the side might be dangerous?” I smirked, lighting it as evenly as I could and holding it in two fingers, smiling lovingly at him. 

“Dan Howell who can sell coke to a cop is scared to smoke some sharpie?” He snorted at me, rolling his eyes. “Okay.” I can see the radiance of his smile. The sunshine flowing in through our kitchen blinds. And as the metal clangs and the fluorescent lights gleam and my eyes wake up, my lips are numb to the memory of his kiss. 

Why did I have to wake up before I could just remember him some more? At least faintly? I’m terrified to forget. Maybe I shouldn’t be. 

Lester is now standing in my cell. He’s glaring but he looks like there's a point to his lingering. I get up, pulling on my overshirt off one of the two hooks by the beds and approaching him. “What’s wrong doll? FInally learn your lesson?” I smirked, walking past him and on my way to the cafeteria. 

He makes his way to me yet again in the yard. It’s creepy at this point, pathetic and laughable. “How’d you get this job?” I asked him. 

“My..my brother is the warden.” He rolled his eyes at my question but it held a fair point. My eyes widened. That’s how he got here. That’s why he hasn’t been fired. 

“Quit.” I said, trying to walk away. He grabbed my arm tightly. 

“Inmate! Don’t fucking walk away from me!” He screamed, pulling me back into him. 

“This aggressive side makes you severely less cute than you were.” I smirked, leaning back now with my foot to the wall and sighing. “What is it you want again?” 

“I get it. You beat my ass. How.” 

“You trusted me. I told you. Rule number one. Don’t trust us.” I rolled my eyes in annoyance. “You really want my help?” 

“To get your help I’m going to need to know I can trust you.” 

“Will it get you off my ass?” I asked with a huff. 

“I swear to god I’ll never talk to you again if you can please, please help me. I need this job. My brother and my mother expect so much of me. This is big for me. Please. I’m a laughing stock.” 

“Sure are.” I smirked. “Alright. After visitation today come find me in my cell. I’ll give you a few pointers.” I sighed. “Just. Leave me alone. We do this on my terms.” 

“Okay.. Thank you.” He sighed with relief. 

“Shut up.” I groaned, walking away and back inside. I didn’t want the rest of my first hour anymore. 

Visitation was today and as always I got my hopes up. As always I was disappointed. I’ve been here for two years so far and not once has Liam visited. I missed him everyday. Every second. I still loved him. I guess it wasn’t mutual, after all. I was here because of him. 

I rolled over in my bunk, closing my eyes and trying to will myself back to sleep so I could see him again. In my dreams it was the last night. The very last night. We were falling asleep together, his arms tightly around me. Downstairs we had a shipment going out tomorrow. We were big in town for selling drugs but we were discreet. How we got caught I don’t know. I woke up to police breaking in, my Liam nowhere insight.

As I was pulled out of bed and cuffed I was screaming. “Lilly! Lilly!” I was kicking and screaming, fighting to check every room of the house as I was dragged out. “Liam! Lilly!” I was crying now, being pushed into a police car. My husband was gone in the middle of the night with our daughter. No sign of either. Leaving me to take the drug charges alone. 

Every year I wished and prayed I’d see my daughter again. My Liam again. She was only a year old at the time. She’d be three now, four in eight months. I missed her the most. She was born when Liam cheated on me with some woman who decided she didn’t want her own daughter. I loved her though. She looked just like her dad. She had my attitude though. 

It wasn’t by blood but she picked up my mannerisms, my sarcasm, my mouth. I miss them both. Even if Liam put me in the line of fire, took my daughter from me, and lied for years and maybe I’ll never know if he ever even loved me or just needed someone to take the fall. No matter what, I prayed every visiting day I would see him and her. Get an explanation. Be told why. All I ever wanted to know was why. 

It was December when it happened. I remember green eyes, grey fog and white snow soaking my socks as I was put into custody. My feet were wet and so were my eyes. As I woke up to Lester shaking me gently, I noticed I was crying again. 

“Howell. Howell!” He sighed. “Are you-dude are you okay?” 

“Shut the fuck up!” I swatted him off, groaning as I sat up, wiping my eyes. “I’m fine. I’m-I’m fucking fine. What did you wake me up for?” 

“You said you’d help me. Did you get a visitor?” He asked me, almost hopefully, with a soft smile. I shook my head, sighing. 

“No..no. He doesn’t want to see me.” I said, gripping the bottom of my bunk. 

“Who?” 

“My husband.”

“You were married?” He asked me. I only nodded, wiping my eyes again. 

“Sorry. I don’t wanna put this on you.” 

“No I get it. Talk to me about it. It’ll help.” He offered. 

“You know how much I hate you, I do wanna talk about it for once.” I sighed quietly and leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes. “He disappeared one night. We were raided and I was the only one home to take the fall for the meth in our living room. He took our daughter with him. I’ve been here for years and have hoped every week I’d see them.” 

“Not once?” 

I shook my head sniffling and standing up quickly. “Enough of that. Okay. Lesson two. Yell at me.” 

“What?” 

“Yell at me. Hit me. Throw me in the hole. Lesson two is assert dominance over inmates. Here. I’ll help.” I smirked, seeing Inmate Keel walk by. 

“Howell?” He asked as I fast walked up to him. 

“Hey faggot I saw you ass fuckin’ your bunk mate.” I said loudly, glaring into his eyes with a smile on my face. I stayed out of trouble but I needed a distraction, some time to think, and Phil to feel like he learned something. 

“The fuck are you talking about Howell?” He snorted, rolling his eyes.

“How was it? He looks like a tight little one. Gilan right? What do you think, would he fuck me?” 

“Don’t talk about him like that!” He raised a fist before realizing where he fucked up, getting defensive. 

“So it is true! You’re a fuckin’ queer?” I laughed. He lunged for me, trying to swing and missing. I threw my body into him, knocking him down and pinning his wrists to the ground. “Ooh. Is this what it feels like for Gilan to be on top? Maybe it’s you I should go after.” 

“Stop talking!” He broke free and swung, hitting me square in the jaw. He kept going though, it didn’t stop there and as I looked over Lester was just standing like an idiot. I slightly gestured for him to intervene. He nodded, taking a deep breath and pulling out his baton, hitting it against the ground next to us and hitting us both in the stomach full force. He put it back, grabbed us by the hair and slammed our heads together before dragging us like that, all the way down to the hole. 

As he slammed the door in my face, I smirked, giving him a thumbs up.


	4. Kid Killer and Cannibal Lecter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want updates on when the story will be continued? Follow me on snapchat @analphancones

Solitary confinement has helped me think. Maybe too much, but it’s been nice. I wonder how Lester is doing, now. I change gears because worrying about him is better than feeling sorry for myself. 

I hear Liam talking to me inside my head. Telling me it was my idea anyway, maybe I deserve to be here in his place. Maybe he’s right. Except when I met him he was already a small time dealer. I only suggested we expand. When he proposed, I knew we needed the money for our honeymoon. 

We went to England. He wanted to see where I was from, meet my family, etc. I didn’t let him meet my parents though. They wouldn’t let me introduce them. They were never a fan of the whole gay thing. When they found out after I dropped out of uni, I moved to America with just the clothes on my back and what money I had saved up. Took a lot to become a citizen but it was doable. COming from a wealthy family helped. My parents just wanted to help me out of their house. Even out of their country. They wanted that little to do with me. 

I showed him the house I grew up in though. Lilly was just a baby at the time. Less than a year. Liam himself was in his late twenties. Only having proposed to me after Lilly was dropped into our life by the girl he had slept with during the duration of our relationship. I didn’t even meet my daughter until she was young. I was young still too. Feels like I’ve already lived all the life I have to offer. 

We sold pot to some teenagers to start off with. He was doing it when we met, working under some pretty big people in the city. Never cared though. I loved him from the minute I looked into his eyes. Even after I found out. I caught him red handed selling off some things. I wanted in. 

“Ashton.” I saw one of Liam’s friends, Brian, wave over their chemist. They called him that because it saved money of shipping and ordering if they had someone producing product. Anything from cheap shane and bake to crystal meth. “How many orders were put in this week and how many were paid off? Remind me.” 

“Thirty orders, twelve pay offs.” He said with a nod. Brian pursed his lips, chuckling a bit. 

“Tell Gabe to call in the remaining eighteen for me. We need to talk.” He said. Ashton only nodded, immediately dialing his phone and walking into the kitchen. 

“Liam. You, Colton and Isaac need to work the schools more. You have colleges, they have high schools. They graduate soon so if you don’t up your orders your territory is theirs. Maybe get that cute little boyfriend of yours involved. I swear he reminds me so much if this kid I used to be friends with.” He chuckled slightly. 

“Dan isn’t really that type..” He only mumbled. 

“What type?” I asked, interupting them. 

“Dan!” Liam stood up so fast, nervous enough his fingers were twitching ever so slightly against his leg. “You’re home early.” 

“What’s..going on..” I tried to wrap my head around what I heard. It sounded like exactly what it was.” 

“Dan..” I was snapped out of my own memories for the hundredth time, or so it felt, by Phil Lester. The CO that had been on my ass for days. 

“You’re not supposed to use my name.” I smirked softly. 

“My brother is proud of my work the other day..” He looked out the cell and walked in, using his shoe to crack the door. “I told him you were helping me. He then told me about the..work..you do for him. He said if you keep helping me like this, and helping him, you could be out early next year.” He whispered. I sat up, wide eyed. 

“The warden said this to you?” I asked just as quietly, a smile growing on my face. “Because I’ll help your stupid ass so long as I get out and-” 

“See Liam?” He asked. “What’s..his last name. Maybe I can get him to visit you. I’m sure he’d be excited to know you’ll get out soon! I was thinking. Maybe he’s just scared to see you. About what he did. He’s a parent. He probably just panicked and knew he’d lose his daughter if he was found out. Maybe he’s scared to see you because he doesn’t want you to be mad.” 

“I haven’t...thought about it like- Do you think that’s what it is?” I smiled more. 

“It has to be.” He said softly, smiling back. I hugged him tightly, out of reflex.

“I’ll help you. I just wanna see my Liam. It’s Deane. Liam Deane.” 

“I’ll see what I can do. Come on though, I gotta get you back to Gen Pop. We have four new inmates coming in so we need ad seg clear.” He said, helping me up and leading me out. He walked close behind me, leading me to D block where I typically resided. “Any advice on the new inmates?” Lester whispered. 

“Any of them fuck with you, let it be known you’re untouchable. If you need me to start a fight again, just say so. I love starting shit. Playing good boy in here gets boring. So long as it doesn’t hurt my early release, I’m beyond down to fuck it up for you.” I smirked, watching my cell slowly shut in front of my face. 

“Good to know.” He nodded, walking off as he hooked his key back onto his belt.   
“Kid killer.” I shouted. “Fuck off my bed.” He hopped up, holding his hands up in defense. He went up to his own, leaving my space open for me. 

I laid down, staring up at the bars holding up the top bunk. 

\---visitation day---

 

With five minutes until visitation is over, I’m losing all hope. Until I see Lester with a smile on his face, staring me down through my cell. “Howell.” He seemed as giddy as I was. 

I followed him down the corridor, grinning ear to ear because after so long I was about to see him again. Hug him, smell him, fall in love with him all over again just like I did every single time I saw him. 

When he sees me he hugs me. He hugs me like it’s the last time he’ll ever get too. I’m stunned, like time is frozen in his arms after so so long. He smells like pot smoke and something else, maybe someone else but I’m too happy to question it. His lips graze my neck, right under my ear as he pulls away. I’m in love, so in love all over again until- until he speaks to me for the first time in years. 

“We need to talk.” And suddenly I’m back in the real world, sitting across from him and being cuffed to the table in front of me. He looks good. Well kept. I can’t imagine how bad I must look to him. 

“I missed you.” Is the first thing I can manage. I’m looking over him and wow, just wow. His teeth are as straight and white as ever, his dark skin shining in fluorescent light. His hair is combed back and slicked down at the sides. His smile seems cutting, less affectionate than it used to be towards me. He’s radiating with red flags but I ignore it. Just like I did when we met, I always ignore it. Always. 

“Can’t say the same.” He rolled his eyes. I gulped and continued. 

“How’s Lilly.” 

“None of your business. Now, Danny, pray tell why some random guy showed up at my door asking for me to see you?” 

“It was a favor. I missed my husband. Was it really so hard for you to just visit? If you felt badly about what happened it’s okay. I forgive you.” I spoke softly, giving him the benefit of the doubt with my words. I still loved him. 

“Danny. I let you take the fall because you were less important than my place on the outside. Now more than ever. I need to be in the field.” He reached over and put his hand on mine. “You understand, right?” 

“It wasn’t..for Lilly? To keep her safe?” 

“Well, yeah, of course for that too…” 

“You’re not telling me something.” I tried to move my hand but it came across violently since I was cuffed. The metal clattered the table but the Co’s stayed off me, they knew I meant no harm. Liam moved his hand as a courtesy. 

“You’re right. Lilly isn’t with me anymore.” He said quietly, like he was ashamed. “She got put into state custody.” 

“W-what? She’s gone?” I asked, my lip near quivering at the pain of the news. My arms were cold, despite my long sleeves i had goosebumps and shivered once. 

“Yeah…” He dragged out the world, rolling his eyes away from me. “Danny. I wanted you to know something. I’m filing for divorce. Since you’re incarcerated...and all..” 

“I’ll be out soon! Next year!” I tried to bargain with him but his mind was made up. 

“I met someone.” He quickly said, sighing. “Look. This was a bad idea..” He stood up. “I’m sorry.” 

“Wait! Liam! Li!” I cried out for him but it was too late. He was stubborn and already walking out. CO Lester began uncuffing me, leading me out. The tears in my eyes were unable to be hidden but he didn’t say anything. I think he knew better. Either that or he didn’t want to know. He only needed to know one thing. Liam was right. This was a bad idea. 

As my cell closed, Lester whistled loudly and looked down the steps leading from ad seg. “Finally the new ones have been transferred.” He chuckled a bit. 

My eyes flew open as I watched them walk down the steps. One at a time, in a line. Out of the most familiar faces I had ever seen, there’s was one stood tall walking among strangers. Liam’s words rang through my head again. //”I’m needed now more than ever”// 

Ashton Parker. Meth dealer among Liam’s little gang group. It was a sorry excuse for a gang, but they sure were big time drug dealers. Was Ashton guilty of the same crime I was? Invited in and set up? Or was he simply serving a few months time to buy the other’s some time before returning to work? God only knew. 

He sees me. He sees me and he smirks softly, blowing a kiss and winking. I chuckled. Classic Ashton. I can’t remember the last time I saw him but it was nice. Out of everyone there, he was the one I liked most. Him and his boyfriend, what was his name? Gage? Guy? Gabe. Gabe Kelly. Mystery that guy was, but they sure loved each other. 

As he walked by my cell and speaks loudly. “I’ll tell you later.” He said, being pushed into two cells over. He was with cannibal lecter. Or, as he was formally known, Inmate Norman.


	5. Undercover Regretter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan finds out a little more on what happened.

Gen pop always had too many people. Testosterone fueled rage fits, masculinity made the place stink. Everyone who wasn’t crazy or in B block wanted to prove they were the toughest in here. None of them were. Low life criminals, folk who flat out didn’t deserve the time, drug dealers and petty thieves, or murderers and rapists. No one was tough. Just sick in their own way. 

Ashton took the empty seat next to me, his hands folded. I looked over at him in disgust, moving to stand up and get away from him. I wanted nothing to do with him right now. For all I knew he was in on what happened to me. He pulled me back down. 

“Don’t you want an explanation?” He asked, eyebrows raised. I huffed, sitting back down and shrugging. I crossed my arms, gesturing for him to go on. He smirked. “I was trying to take down Brian’s gang, alright?” He said. “They caught onb and pinned us both for everything. Everything. Mostly on me. It’s why it took so long to catch me. I knew what I was facing.” 

“How long did they get you for?” I gulped. 

“Fifteen years behind bars.” 

I uncrossed my arms, my jaw hanging in shock. “You were trying to get us all brought down?” 

“Everyone except you and Gabe. You weren’t involved like everyone else.” He said. “Gabe was just a record keeper...he didn’t deserve to get in trouble for being in the wrong crowd.” He said almost under his breath. I laughed softly, still in shock. 

“How did Gabe react when he found out?” I asked quietly, almost scared to know the answer. Gabe was a soft guy but his temper said the opposite. He bit his bottom lip, looking around before lifting his shirt. He had two scars on his stomach. Gunshot scars. 

“He didn’t hit any vital organs. I don’t think he wants me dead. He wanted me to hurt. Kid was going to school to be a fucking nurse. He knew where to hit to cause some pain.” He said quietly. “He’s the one who got the bullets out and sewed me up. He helped me get to Wisconsin. Small town. Tryna keep me out of the police’s hair. He wanted to hurt me, but he wanted to help me first.” A small tear slid down his face, his forehead wrinkling, head shaking. Clear signs he was telling the truth. Truth and guilt. 

“How’d you get caught?” I asked. 

“Crazy shit man.” He shook his head, laughing in disbelief. “I woke up one night, heard a noise in my apartment. Last thing I saw was Peach lunging for me. Then I woke up in an ambulance, arrived here. Did my good ol’ squat and cough, got dressed in stripes and spent a day or six in ad seg.” 

“Crazy bitch.” I laughed in awe, leaning back and wiping tears from my eyes. “Miss her.” 

“I kinda do too. You know once I started working under y’all and got to know you, the lifestyle was fun. Y’all were fun.” He sighed. “I tried to get out of the game but shit. It was too late.” He sighed, leaning his elbows on his knees and looking up at me. 

“Liam set me up to save his ass? Why me too? You were only going after them not myself and Gabe right?” 

“You really think Brian is gonna arrange for Brian to set up his number three in command? Him, Brian and Leonard are the ring leaders. Bosses. Whatever. Dynamic trio! Trust me, Liam begged him. Brian said no.” He shrugged. “Is it selfish to wish Brian hadn’t said no though? So I could still be with him even if it’s here?” 

“No dude.” I shook my head. “I’m glad he’s gone. He’ll be out of the game soon enough anyway. He’s going to school now right? He always wanted to do that shit.” I chuckled softly with a small smile following. 

“He doesn’t plan on leaving though. He just wants a working class cover since his part of the job is he most high risk. Personally, I think he just always wanted to be working class. No strings attached.” He laughed, his smile nostalgic. “You know. When I went into my field I was just a squint, field tech. My dad had died of overdose and had been working selling shit cheap behind Brian’s back. I knew the overdose was staged. So I asked to be on the case since my dad was who was killed, I knew it was likely they’d come after me too if I pretended to be taking up his work.” 

“You wanted revenge?” I asked. “You always said he was a tweaker cunt.” I scoffed. 

“He was still my dad. Hanging around you all for all those years though? Shit. I realized he deserved what came to him. I was too deep though. I had already given out so much information, told all the secrets..fallen in love.” He shrugged limply and sat up, cracking his back. 

“Missed your ass though! We all did! Except Liam of course. He has a new piece he has in the game pretending he loves now. He might say he really loves her, but he don’t give a fuck. He only has her in case anyone starts catching on again. I’m sorry. I didn’t know that’s why he was with you. Everyone else did. No one ever filled me in…” 

“Not even Gabe?” 

“Not even. He’s dedicated to Brian and Leonard. If they say shut your mouth on something he will.” He said with a slow nod. “I miss Logan.” 

“I miss Lilly.” I sighed quietly. 

“She’s in state care. Liam gave her up. Didn’t want his new piece to know he had a kid.” 

“Fucking hell…” I took a breath in anger and shook my head, changing the subject. “How’s Logan?” 

“Last time I saw him he was turning four. That was over a year and a half ago. Found out he’s blind in one eye.” He said and chuckled. “The green one.” 

“Kendall was pretty blind mentally but not physically, but I guess it makes sense. He’s fine in the blue one?” 

“Apparently it's pretty common for kids with heterochromia to be that way.” He shrugged. “They’re both beautiful and shiny. I remember when Kendall would look at Gabe, her eyes were like glass. Always. Wide and watery. Logan gets the same look when he sees his daddy. Kendall took custody shortly after I left. I haven’t heard a thing from Gabe since he told me that...I’m worried he’s dead, to be honest.” 

“Stupid junkie..” I whispered angrily under my breath. 

“He was a stupid junkie. But he was mine.” He breathed out, standing up as the buzzer sounded. “Back to our kennels.” He chuckled, wiping his eyes. “See you in the yard later?” 

“Sure..” I nodded, walking back up the steps toward my cell. 

Lester was already stood by my door. “Who is he?” He asked. 

“Jealous?” I raised an eyebrow, chuckling. 

“You still the good guy?” He asked, eyebrow raised back. 

“He was an undercover cop who got framed. Same people who fucked me over. He just got a shittier end.” I whispered the last bit softly. 

“Oh..” Lester nodded. “Hey, Howell.” 

“Yeah?” I asked as the cell closed. 

“When we’re alone and shit, call me Phil. I’ve probably said that before but-” 

“You can call me Dan. But only if I can call you daddy. Sounds better than Phil.” I smirked. Before he could reply the buzzer sounded again, a newer CO screaming “ROLL CALL!” And counting out the names of every prisoner. He looked dumbfounded as I crawled back into bed with a smirk, pulling my blanket over me and my arm over my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on snapchat for updates- analphancones 
> 
> Instagram for nsfw gore an d more- danielisasociopath 
> 
> Tumblr for nothing but smut- analphancones


	6. Stay Tough, Pick Favorites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Ashton's old gang sends one clear message.

//Outside in an all black ride  
Tint rolled up when I'm high  
Said they all wanna live but I just wanna die  
Mo-Motherfucker, if you're looking for me find me in the night  
I got a knife, don't wanna fight  
I want to take your fucking life and end it right, on sight  
When I strike, if you bark, better bite//

 

Outside a car zips down the road facing the prison yard. The windows were tinted and the licenses plates go by too quickly for anyone else to notice but myself and Ashton. It was immediate. It was obvious. We ducked down. Shots fired into the yard through the fence. Cannibal lector gets hit. It was clear they weren’t out to get us, Brian and Peach wanted a message across. 

Don’t tell anyone the truth. It’ll get us killed. 

Meaning if we don’t serve out our time exactly as we were charged, we’ll die on the outside before we can even take our first breath of free air. We both gulped, our fingertips twitching. I was getting out early on good behavior and now knew they knew. When I got out I needed set up protection. 

Or else. 

“Who you have on the outside you’re staying with?” Ashton turned to me. 

“I have a ride to Georgia. Whole ass other state. Gonna live a quiet life up there with some money I have stashed away. No one but you knows that fact either. I just know I can trust you.” My tone was hushed, making sure no one around me would hear except him. “Do the same. If either of us are out before out set time…” 

“I know. I know yeah. Message was clear.” 

“Howell!” I heard Phil call my name. I took a breath, walking toward him as the nursing staff ran to assess the prisoner. They dragged him on a gurney, slowly carrying the somewhat large, crazy and on the verge of death man out of the yard. 

“What the hell was that about?” He whisper shouted to me. 

“A warning. To me and Ashton. If we get out early we’re dead.” 

“Why?” 

“We were set up, fucker, don’t you listen?” I groaned. “I need a cigarette and some dick.” 

Lester pulled a pack out of his sock, handing me a marlboro red and a pink zebra lighter. I smirked, looking around and sighing in relief at the lack of staff right now, lighting the cigarette and smirking still at him. “Gonna give me the dick part too?” I asked, chuckling. 

“Shut up.” Lester said snidely, trying to hide his laughter. 

“Actin’ like you don’t want it.” I smirked again, taking a deep drag and exhaling. “Don’t let any more people who don’t already know about the cigs. Stay tough. Pick favorites. That’s today’s advice.” I said, blowing smoke in his face and walking off, arm over my chest and walking to the fence, leaning back against it thinking about my fear and taking a few quick drags. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on snapchat for updates- analphancones


	7. No One Has Ever Looked As Good As You Do Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. Blow job warning :)

Middle of the night I’m woke up by my cell opening. It was quiet, it wasn’t meant to be heard. CO Lester creeped to my bedside, whispering soft. 

“Can I borrow you for a minute?” He asked quietly. I was tired but nodded anyway, getting up and silently tiptoeing to the showers. 

“What do you need daddy?” I managed, smirking and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. 

“One of the inmates was watching your cell. I just wanted an excuse to get you out.” 

My eyes widened. “Dude. What’s going to happen if he says something about you dragging me out?” 

“My brother is the warden, Dan.” He said, dumbfounded like it was impossible for him to get in trouble for interpersonal relationships. 

“He can’t protect you on everything.” 

“You’d be shocked.” It was his turn to smirk now, chuckling. “He was just staring. New inmate too. Sometimes people get blackmailed into coming here, purposely getting arrested to kill someone in the walls.” 

“Damn. How do you blackmail someone to kill and spend life in prison for it?” I asked incredulously. 

“Threats. Usually against family or friends. Loved ones.” He shrugged softly, leaning back against the beginning to mold tile. 

“Heavy shit.” I shrugged, crossing my arms and looking over at him a bit hesitantly. “So..what do we do until morning?” I smirked.

“Knock that shit off.” He brushed me off. “I’m not into guys. It’s funny and all but it’s getting old.” 

“You’re not into dudes?” I wrinkled my forehead in genuine surprise. “Coulda swore you told me otherwise.” 

“Dan.” He said. “I’m your friend. Seriously knock it off.” 

“CO Lester.” I put my hand against my heart, feigning offense. I relaxed my arms, moving a little closer to him. I could sense his nerves. Being around Brian for years, you learn how to read people. Arousal, anxiety, so many emotions all in some finger tip twitching and a bead of sweat on his temple, his foot moving back slightly. “You’re cute when you’re scared.” 

“Dan.” His throat tightened. I scoffed, leaning back against the shower wall. 

“You fucking serious? You’re scared.” I laughed. 

“Dan, I don’t mean anything by it, but this is a prison. I was told to trust no one.” He said shortly, trying to justify his fear as if he knows me.

“I’m not a fucking rapist.” I snapped, my voice echoing on the walls slightly. 

“I’ve never been with a guy.” He said, closing his eyes, his fists tightening. My eyes widened. “Im bisexual.” He said quietly, his tension falling. “I don’t think you’re a rapist. I’m just scared of being found out.” 

“Coulda said that.” I rolled my eyes, moving back toward him and gently pushing him against the wall, my hand resting on his chest. “Don’t wanna be found out?” I asked softly, leaning in just a little once again. His hand moved over mine, tight after first as if he intended to move it, then his grip loosened. He slowly moved my hand up to over his heart. “It’s racing..” I mumbled, looking him eye to eye. 

“Dan..” He mumbled, trying to lean back but his head hit the wall. I sighed quietly, leaning in and kissing him. He wa shocked, stiff, for only a second. Then he relaxed. He melts into it and kisses me back like it’s the first and last time he’ll ever do it all at once. Shit, maybe it was. Neither of us knew. All we knew was how good this felt. 

His arm slid behind my lower back, under my scrubs. Skin against skin. His breath was warm against my upper lip, his fingers cold but warming up against my tan skin. I moved my hands to the side of his head, running my fingers through his hair and breathing out my mouth between kisses. 

Being so close to another person, so intimately for the first time in years was unnerving yet familiar. I knew what to do instinctively, even after so long. He was relaxing further and further by the moment, his hand moving to my hip and his nails clenching into me slightly, light crescent moons forming on my exposed hip bone. 

I smirked against his lips, taking initiative and kissing him harder, giving his hair a slight tug. His breathing changed, aroused more than before. I loved reading him, as if I was rewiring everything he once was with each new touch. He moved his hands back to my lower back, inching down timidly. I laughed against his lips, moving his hand down to grab my ass. 

His smiled softly, chuckling and moving his lips back against mine as he did. Our teeth knocked, us laughing it off as our tongues slid together once more. His hand moved over, under, everywhere but inside me. After minutes that felt like hours I dropped to my knees, having felt an erection on my leg for twenty minutes I knew what to.   
I unbuckled his belt slowly, making eye contact as my knees hit the cold ground. I was boney from weight loss and rigorous exercise but I could care less about the early onset aching in my knees as I pulled out his length. 

My mouth slowly moved around him, my eyes averting down now as I focused on my work. I bobbed my head down slowly the first few times, trying to get the dick wet before I really started working. This was a pattern, this was my favorite skill I had. Go down, back up tongue under the head and repeat. I hallowed my cheeks, creating more suction the faster I got, careful my teeth didn’t hit the tip of his dick. 

His head hit the wall again, a slight moan passing his lips and when I looked up his eyes were slowly closing. His fingers moved to my head, threading through and gripping only enough to keep me where he wanted me. I would have smiled but my work was more important. I moved my hand to the base, stroking along with the motions of my mouth and moaning against him slightly. 

He gripped tighter, his hands tensing my his sides. It had only been maybe ten minutes and he was ready to cum. I would normally be disgusted but I wanted him to cum. I wanted him to feel this good. I wanted him to cover my tongue in his cum, moan for me, tell me it was the best he had ever had and make him wait, lust after, excited over the real thing. 

Then he did. He came and I pushed myself down further, taking everything I could and swallowing around the head, making sure to keep going even after he was done, even after he had ridden out his orgasm. To keep going until he was gasping, moaning in pain and pleasure and his fingers pulled my hair until I was off of him. 

I sat back, wiping what fell to my chin with the bottom of my shirt and looking up at him. “No one has ever looked at good as you do right now.” He whispered, breathless. 

I stood up, chuckling and crossing my arms as I leaned back against the wall. “Yeah. You say that because you just came.” 

“I say that because it’s true.” He smiled softly, pulling his slacks back up and buckling his belt. “For a second I was worried you’d take my weapon again.” He laughed. I rolled my eyes, smiling. 

“Thought about it.” I joked, elbowing him slightly. Through the barred window I could see the slightest peer of the sun rising, sighing. “Alone time is over. I gotta be back in my cell before the other guards notice.” 

“I’ll walk with you.” He said, reaching down to his sock and grabbing a cigarette. “Right after we smoke one. I’ve never gotten head from someone who smokes. Nor do I smoke.” He handed me a cigarette and lit one himself, choking only a bit and staring down at it. “I miss these every time I quit.” He chuckled. I lit mine, laughing with him. 

“Me too.” I smiled, dimples and all showing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on snap for updates- analphancones
> 
> If you like my smut, my tumblr is- analphancones
> 
> For gore and more my Instagram is- danielisasociopath


	8. “Should be.” I Said, Matter of Factly.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan makes an impulsive phone call after recalling the details of his old friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on snapchat for updates- analphancones

The company I kept when I was a freeman was questionable to say the least. 

There was Leonard. He was quiet, silent, frightening. He was also smart, funny, kind. I’ve seen him donate to charities, I’ve seen him shoot a man point blank over railing coke with a five instead of a hundred. His temper was what made him frightening. He was a peacekeeper amongst the group to say the least, yet when he was angry you better hope it wasn’t with you. 

The coke thing was maybe understandable, in his head. It was his drug of choice, even the sober have one. It just could be life itself, meth, or coke like for him. He had this glass table in his living room, see through and polished always because of his OCD. No one minded though, it was good decor. Covered in thick white lines and cash. Money that you wouldn’t believe. Counterfeited, real, earned, stolen. You name it. 

Coke was a god-sent to him. If you dared disrespect the product in his presence, maybe it was the drugs itself that caused the temper. Maybe it was all him. Maybe he just really loved it. Who knows. Who care. Just don’t disrespect it. 

Brian was the man who studied people. In his line of work it was hard not too, and following him for so long you pick up a thing or two yourself. Out of all of us, he was the most sober. He ran everything as top man, Leonard and Gabe closely behind him. Brian had met his fiance of three years in high school when she was working alongside Irene. She might have liked the work, but the drug game was far more appealing. So she climbed the ropes alongside what she declared the love of her life. 

Gabe was someone no one understood. No one. He had at least, from what I knew, two sexual partners. No one could decipher if the romance was there or not with Kendall. With Ashton though, it was clear chemistry. Never labeled. Just there. Just real. He was a junkie who wore hoodies in the summer and rolled in money and misery. Suicidal, drug addicted with a kid he loved and a wife he hated and a lover he could never be with. So young too. Only seventeen when he got into the gang. I used to wish him better. Now I just hope he’s at least alive. 

Ashton came in after everyone was already involved. Guess that should have been suspicious enough, but Gabe came in late and never had the cruel intentions Ashton did. Gabe came in on his senior year, Ashton came in a year or so later. Around when Liam started seeing me. I wasn’t really involved, I don’t think. 

Money laundering, small odd jobs, mostly eye candy and apparently an unwilling patsy. Pathetic it was. The money was nice though. Sure, being in a room of drug addicts, murderers and hookers, some having done worse things than others, seemed bad. But they were a good group of people. I enjoyed their company. I only knew bits and pieces behind the business. More or less, I just picked up the slack Liam didn’t want. 

I need to make a call. \  
We got two fifteen minute calls a day here. It was just enough to get what I needed. I hadn’t made a call in a while. No answers are disencouraging. But today I need to try again. When the guards call for us to come down into the cafeteria I signed my name to get on the call list and went to eat breakfast. 

What they called our first meal of the day was grey and mysterious. I picked at it a little and decided to push my tray back and just wait my turn for calls. 

“Howell!” It only took almost all morning. 

“Who do you need to speak too?” 

“Brian. Brian Belle.” 

“He on your call list?” 

“Should be.” I said, matter of factly.


	9. I Take Back What I Said About Trusting No one. Trust Until They Don’t Deserve It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on snap for updates- analphancones

A day or two had passed since I called. I still don’t know what going to happen. Brian seemed apprehensive, but compliant. He said he owed me anyway. No more favors. His tone always made me gulp, my throat tighten, my fingers tap my thighs with anxiety. He was a scary man himself. 

Brian Belle was known for handling the drug ring in central America. Over seventeen states were covered by the three musketeers of drug dealing. Gabe had Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana, and Tennessee under his command. Of course, any move that was “too big” had to have Brian’s seal of approval.

Leonard managed Illinois and D.C. mostly. He liked D.C. because weed was legal, meaning more and more teenagers wanted to get ahold of it and it was easier than ever. Not to mention that selling it at such a low cost brought in floods of customers. He put in more money just to triple it, if not quadruple it in the end. He was a genius, that man. Brian handled everything else. 

Gabe got where the least customers were because, to be frank, Brian couldn’t be bothered. Gabe didn’t mind though. I think he liked the minimal responsibility. His job was much different than before they grew out of MO. He managed the clientele list, memorized names, numbers, addresses, socials, anything Brian needed about one of their clients. Now his only added responsibility was managing underlings in other states and making sure deliveries and payments were made. He did that in MO anyway. He loved his work. 

I think that’s why Brian and Leonard even agreed to have a number three after almost six years of it only being them. Because Gabe loved the work. When his girlfriend got pregnant she expected him to drop out of the game. Get a real job. He just couldn’t. Gabe loved specially engineered heroin more than his wife and child, probably will until the day he dies whether he realizes it or not. Kid hated being sober. 

It made him a hard worker. It made him fight. It made him please his coworkers with every move he made, every step he took and every drug he sold and every client he filed away in that big brain. Much like Brian and Leonard, he was smart as all hell. Those three are impossible to understand, the most complicated being number three, Gabriel Kelly. 

Within days of my call a letter, pre opened of course, came in the mail for me. It had Lester’s sign off. I asked him to watch my mail for me. I couldn’t risk any other guard seeing this. I took a breath, closing my eyes as I pulled out the contents. I looked down on my mattress and sheets, seeing two polaroid pictures with Peach’s handwriting on the bottom and a letter from Brian. 

“I always hated him...Kisses! Xoxo” One picture read. The picture itself was gorey. I gulped again, tensing up and staring down with blank eyes. It was definitely Liam. And Peach definitely had fun with this. 

“Miss you Danny” the other read, a clear shot of her next to Liam’s limp head, blood stains on his shirt, a clear gash in his throat. 

I put them back in the envelope, reading the letter slowly. 

“Dear Dan.

Sending a hit from prison is ballsy. Miss that about you. You and Gabe had guts. I think you both always thought you had something to prove. I only granted you this favor on the basis that you serve out your sentence. If you get out early on good behavior, I’m willing to be forgiving. If anything, my threat was for Ashton. Lying son of a bitch. 

I never had an issue with you. Liam was a hard worker but he was sleazy. I never liked that about him but it was hard to let go of someone who aimed to please me. I guess I’m arrogant in that way. When you get out come find us, we can help you get set up on the outside if you wanna leave the game. Or get back in it. Whatever you so choose. 

Unless you don’t trust us, which is also rational but I digress. 

Peachy took this job on the basis she was sexually harassed by him for months starting around the previous June. My Stacy is crazy, but would any of us have her any other way? I’m shocked you made this. I know you loved him deeply. Dearly. I guess pain is a drug in itself, one we cannot sell. Or perhaps you’ve moved on. 

Have you met someone else within the walls Danie? Are you ready to move on. No need to respond by the way. It’s already clear you have. I’m nearly 80% sure. I hope he’s good to you. If he’s not, give me a call. No more favors. You can just owe me one…”

I could hear the smirk he had writing that line. 

“....Gabe wonders how Ashton is doing. Poor kid is so in love. I’m sorry your love lives never worked out in your favor. Not all can be as lucky as myself or Leonard in meeting our perfect partner in this game. Sometimes we meet them before, and the career gets in the way. Sometimes it’s during and the same thing happens. Maybe once you’re officially done, which I suppose officially is now, you’ll meet your perfect match. Perhaps in prison, of all places. 

Sincere apologies for what we did. You can hold a grudge if you’d like, but remember, I could kill you. You have the understand. It was easy to put it off on two people rather than just one. While we don’t like what Gabe did to try and help Ashton, we understand love here well. We understand it well enough to be lenient as well on your early release. We did you wrong so we shant harm you, be sure. 

Ashton however will not be so lucky. Tell him that for me. In fact, show him this letter just before you dispose of his contents. If you refuse, there will be consequences, as I’m sure you already know. 

Best Wishes,

Brian Belle.” 

 

I finally let out a breath, not even having realized I had been holding it. 

“Dan?” I jumped, looking up and putting my hand on my chest, breathing heavily. 

“Jesus Lester knock.” I groaned, standing up and covering the contents of the letter with my sheet, stretching my back and letting it crack. 

“I saw the letter you know. I kept it away from anyone else. You’re not going to be in danger right?” 

“He knows I have a guard on my side. I mean...I guess what I did was illegal. If you need to turn me in you can..” I looked at my feet. “I just had to do something to move on. To continue to move on.” 

“Give me the letter. I’ll burn it.” He said stiffly, like he wasn’t sure. I looked up, wide eyed and unsure but nodded anyway. For some reason I trust him. 

“Here..” I said, handing him it as discreetly as possible and inhaling a deep breath. “Thank you.” 

“Any advice for today?” He broke the tension, chuckling quietly and stuffing it away in his pockets. 

“I take back what I said about trusting no one. Trust until they don’t deserve it. Than fight.” I smiled.


	10. Short, Sweet To The Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Showers. I'll come get you tonight.”

“Can we talk about what happened in the showers?” He asked me in the yard. He was quiet, his arms crossed and his posture sloppy. He was someone who usually stood tall. Not in confidence but in ignorance. He was small minded about the world, but getting better by each day. It was fascinating to say the least. 

“I gave you head. Nothing really to talk about, Phil.” I sighed quietly and moved my hands to uncross his arms. “Don’t shrivel up like that. You look depressed, tired. Easy targets for manipulation and attacks in general.” I cautioned him, holding his hands in mine for a moment looking at him. 

In a split second I saw the depth of his eyes. Blue as the sky itself. Somehow more assuring though, comforting. I looked away, dropping his hands and moving to lean against the fence, putting my shoe through one of the holes to hold my balance on one foot. 

He wanted to talk but I wasn’t in the mood. He seemed too attached and easy to understand, not my usual type at all. Generally, his only attractive feature being his naivety and distrust. I smiled a little to myself, looking at him and seeing his facial expression hasn’t changed. I took a deep breath. 

“Look. I’m just not into you. Admittedly..I’d fuck you. I mean I would. No questions ask. But anything else but that you got in your mind let’s get straight now. It’s not happening.” 

“So you wanna fuck?” He asked. I raised an eyebrow, smirking a little. 

“When?” 

“Showers. I'll come get you tonight.”


	11. Enough To Do It Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut smut smut

It was just like before. He woke me up from dead sleep, except now wordless, dragging me out of bed and through the dark and echoey cell block. It was quiet, soft snores heard through the block. The showers were empty, the lights off as they should be this hour. He pushed me against the tile, lifting me up from under my ass and pinning me to the wall. He kissed me roughly, tongue fighting for dominance and I couldn’t help but give it to him. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck, fingers running through his hair as our kissing got deeper, rougher, faster. His hands dropped my, moving to unbutton his shirt slowly, nodding for me to do the same. I pulled my scrubs shirt over my head, throwing it aside and stripping as quickly as I could. Once I was stripped, his jeans were undone and so was his belt. He lifted me back up, pushing his bottoms down and moving his fingers to my lips. 

I parted them gently, holding his wrist as I soaked his two fingers in spit. I went all the way down, taking them in and swirling my tongue around, making eye contact all throughout. He bit his lip, distractedly watching me before he remembered what we needed to be doing. He slowly moved them behind me, pushing in one at a time. I moaned quietly, it had been away since anyone touched me. Even myself. 

I bit down on his shoulder softly to disguise my moaning, my nails digging into the side of his arm as he slowly pumped his fingers, gaining speed. He added the second digit, stretching me a little faster and with more haste than before. When he pulled them out I couldn’t help but whine, I wanted more. He spit in his hand, looking at me urgently almost as he stroked himself a few times, pressing the tip to my hole before pushing in. 

He took his time, inching in little by little before he was fully inside me. He waited a minute before he pulled out, leaning his chin on my shoulder and using both hands to grip my ass as he began thrusting. I wrapped my legs tighter around his hips, holding myself up as best I could to make this easier for him. 

As he started thrusting faster and harder I didn’t expect his strength and stamina. He held me up without his breathing so much as shifting or faltering, like he had all the energy in the world even double digit minutes in. I was impressed, I was so turned on. His nails dug into my the soft skin of my ass as he thrusted, his hips slamming against me with every movement he made. 

I tried so hard to be quiet but with him it was near impossible. I let out a high pitch whine, covering my own mouth and gripping his shoulder with one hand, arm around his slick shoulders. He set me down, pulling out and pushing me over. I moved my hand against the tile wall for support, feeling him push back in and crying out, hand still over my mouth. 

It only served to silence me mildly but it was better than nothing because now he was going as fast as I think he could. His breathing was now, finally, heavy, once and a while a slight moan passing his parted pink lips. He grabbed my ass, spreading me open as he slid in and out of me. I could feel his eyes, I could feel the attention as he stared down watching himself come in and out of me. 

He wrapped an arm around me, now gripping with one hand as he started pumping my length. I cried out again, tears welling up in the corners of my eyes from the pleasure and over stimulation. It wasn’t long before I was coming, biting my own hand hard enough I tasted the iron of my own blood as I fought to stay silent. 

He kept going, both hands back on my hips and ass and pounding in harder and harder to reach his own release. I was crying, close to sobbing from everything that was happening all in the best way possible and then he came. He came and I felt it slipping out of me with every over stimulated thrust he made, riding out the high of his own orgasm before slowly pulling out.

I let out a quiet sob, smiling as I turned around and slid down the tile wall. “You still have cigarettes?” I asked with a wavering, breathy voice and a smile. He chuckled, his forehead beading with sweat as he handed me a pack and a lighter. I lit one, blowing the smoke toward the ceiling and pushing my now wet hair back. 

“I think that was the best sex I’ve ever had..” He said, snatching my cigarette from me and taking a slow drag before handing it back. 

“Oddly enough, same..” I agreed with a slow nod. He smiled slightly, trying to hide his glee he sat down next to me. 

“Enough to do it again sometime?” He asked, still trying to hide his hopefulness and glee. I chuckled, nodding. 

“Sure. Yeah.” I agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on snapchat for updates- analphancones


	12. Fuck. It Had Been A While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe visits his ex. Dan ponders why Phil likes him in the first place.

“Yeah I got that cut on my neck,  
Now this bitch wet,  
Only fuckin’ with me when she think’s I’m depressed,  
Told that bitch bet,   
I’mma fuckin’ jet,   
No sweat,   
Swallow fuckin’ bullets til my lips seep red” 

 

I wonder why he likes me. I don’t even like me. My husband didn’t even like me. I wonder briefly if anyone ever did. I shake the thought off, walking to the cafeteria and sitting down next to Ashton. 

“You look like you’re in a good mood.” He smirked. 

I raised an eyebrow, picking up my fork and picking at my breakfast. “Is that supposed to be sarcastic?” I asked. 

“Saw you sneakin’ off with a CO last night. What was the big rush? You two fuckin’?” He asked. When I didn’t reply right away his eyebrows raised and his eyes widened. “Oh my god you are!” 

“Shut up.” I mumbled, moving a fork full of oatmeal into my mouth. “We aren’t fucking.” 

“Yes you are!” He whisper shouted. “I can keep your secret don’t worry.” He smirked. “Wonder if I can get in on that action. I’d love some fuck about now.” 

“He’s mine.” I said posessively before I could even think. 

He raises his hands in defense. “Calm down. There’s only one guy for me anyway.” He sighed quietly. “I worry I’ll never see him again though.” 

“Sorry.” I mumbled again. “I hope you get to see him soon.” I said softly. “Look, it’s just sex with me and Lester. Just sex.” I insisted.

He nodded, leaning forward with his arms crossed on the table. “What’s he like? He seemed to soft to be any good.” 

“It was amazing.” I said, exaggerating my voice and biting my lip. “I didn’t know sex could be that good.” 

“Was Liam just trash?” He asked, laughing. 

“I guess man.” I shrugged, taking another bite. “I thought all sex was just okay. I never knew it could be like THAT.” 

“That’s how it was every time with Gabe.” He chuckled. “He was sexy as all hell.” 

“You gonna see him on the outside?” He asked me, referring to Lester.

“No.” I shook my head. “This is a just in here arrangement. I don’t want feeling for anyone else like, fuckign ever.” I said surely. 

 

“REC TIME INMATES!” I heard shouted. I stood up, sighing. 

“See you.” He waved. I brought my tray to the counter, following in line to the outside. I took a deep breath, putting my grey-tan hoodie on and enjoying the brisk fall air. 

“Danny.” I heard Lester whisper shout to me from behind the brick pilla. I chuckled, walking over to him. He smiled, handing my a cigarette. “Missed you.” He said. I couldn’t tell if he was joking so I ignored it, lighting it and smiling back at him. 

“I’m sure.” I chuckled, taking a deep drag and exhaling looking at my feet. 

“What are you gonna do when you’re out of here?” 

“I was asked a similar question earlier so I’ll say this now. I’m gonna get the fuck out of this state. Maybe go home. I miss my brother and my friends there.” I shrugged softly, still not sure now that I’m not under Brian’s threat anymore.

“Maybe I could take you out. Like on a proper date?” He offered. He was always so hopeful, so giddy, so gleeful. I shook my head, taking another drag and sighing out the smoke. 

“No. No. We had sex. We may again. But it’s only while I’m here. I just don’t like you like that.” I couldn’t tell if I was lying. “Why do you like me?” 

“I just do..” He shrugged. 

“You don’t even know me!” I groaned. “Stop trying too!” I stomped off, hiding my cigarette by my thigh and wandering into the community garden the prison had, walking in and almost dropping my smoke in shock. It was Ashton and Gabe. I rubbed my eyes just to check it wasn’t a hallucination. 

“Hey!” Gabe laughed, hugging me tightly. “I brought lean and weed if you wanna smoke. But after twenty you gotta go so I can fuck my mans.”   
“I was a shocked as you are.” Ashton said with a dreamy smile, leaning his head on Gabe’s shoulder as he sat back down. I sat with them, taking the doubled up styrofoam cup and taking a drink of the syrup sprite mix, tasting the strawberry jolly rancher that was melted in here. 

“As always you make a mean lean.” I chuckled, handing it to Ashton. 

“It’s Peach’s recipe.” Gabe shrugged. “Thank her.She always did know how to make original and common designer drugs.” 

“Yeah she did. I miss making her ideas a reality.” 

“Yeah. No one in town can make chemical product like you.” Gabe smiled at him, lighting a blunt and taking back to back hits and handing it to me. I took a deep drag, holding it in my lungs as I handed it off to Ashton. 

“Well, no one can push drugs like you babe.” Ashton said to him, taking a hit and passing it off. 

“How’d you get in here?” I asked. 

“I know Brian Belle. Need I say more?” He chuckled. 

“No, no I understand now.” I laughed softly. “I missed you so much. Me and him both did.” 

“I missed you guys too. Rec is almost over so let’s finish this blunt and then I’m going to have sex for the first time in months.” Gabe chuckled. 

“You haven’t even slept with Kendall?” 

“Did you not hear? She’s knocked up and ran off with my BROTHER!” 

“Dude!” I groaned, hitting the blunt back to back three times and holding it in my lungs as I spoke. “Isn’t he 16?”I exhaled.

“Yeah man. Hey anyway I’ll be around tomorrow we should catch up more then. I wanna spend some alone time though. Take the blunt with you.” He smiled. I chuckled and accepted, taking a deep hit and exiting. 

“Love yall.” I chuckled softly, taking another hit and thinking to myself- why does he like me? Does he like me like they like each other? Or is it infatuation? 

I loved how weed helped me think. Fuck. It had been a long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For updates follow me on snapchat- analphancones


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